All you need in Bali: Boardies and Sunnies.

Lying on the beach in Kuta, Bali, catching some gorgeous rays, I feel a shadow coming. Towering above me is a local man with a bow and arrow!

‘Hey boss, you want to buy bow.’ he called cheerfully.
‘What exactly am I going to do with one of those?’ I replied indignantly.
‘Hunting.’ he beamed.
Humouring him, I jokingly said ‘I can’t go on the hunt for women with one of those.’
‘You use this mate’ he replied while pulling out a Taser and demonstrating how it worked.
I may have been joking but I really don’t think that he was!

I bought a flight to Bali on a whim. I was perusing the Air Asia website and found myself a rather cheap £30 return flight from Singapore. Bargain.

I just fancied a nice chilled out week, on a beach, low cost and no hassle. Kuta is one of the main backpacker spots in Indonesia and the logical choice of destination, or so I thought. Before I go on to describe Kuta and its ‘clientele’ I do wish to say that I did enjoy my time there, you just have to be in the mood for it. Kuta is the Aussies Cancun!

There are many ways to describe some of the Australians (mostly male) who flock to Kuta for the surf. “Dumbass surfie” would be one way but another would be “Bogan”.

For those of you not familiar with the term, wikipedia states that “the term is a regional equivalent to the English slang terms chav or pikey, Scottish ned, Irish scanger or spide, Dutch tokkie, and the North American white trash, redneck, hick, or hillbilly.”

I would surmise that the male to female ratio is about 9:1 and most of the males are nothing but Neanderthals. These men could be found banging rocks together trying to make fire and clubbing women over the head and dragging them back to a cave. I did wonder if any of them would discover the wheel.

If you want to go to Bali stay in Kuta for no longer than a few nights to hit the party scene and then get out. Seminyak has some incredible restaurants which cost next to nothing. Get yourself over to the Gili Islands for incredible beauty.

There is more to Bali then Kuta.

Finally, if you are going to try surfing for the first time, wear a rash guard. This small but important piece of information was not relayed resulting in me shredding the skin from my chest and abs. Ouch.

Life is just one long lesson.

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