Iâ€™m pretty sure that youâ€™re supposed to grow out of toilet humour but Iâ€™ll be honest, I never have. Now before you start to worry, this isnâ€™t going to be tales of explosive diarrhoea. No no, weâ€™re not *that* crass here.
Iâ€™m at Heathrow Airport travelling with a friend. Weâ€™re not tight for time but itâ€™s not plentiful either. We have our boarding passes and ALL we have to do is get to our departure gate. Sounds simple enough right? Well my travelling partner announces that heâ€™ll â€œbe right backâ€. Iâ€™m not sure if there is a definition for â€˜be right backâ€™ but one would assume that you wonâ€™t be gone long. 25 minutes later there is no sign of him and weâ€™re running desperately low on time. So I decide to send him a text and this is a screenshot of the conversation that went down.
It was pretty tight, a butt clenching experience and I was a little flushed but we did eventually make it to the departure gate. I had to run the whole way there, up stairs and down escalators. I hate running so not the least bit amused. Nevertheless I was going on holiday so I canâ€™t be too shitty about it.
I wish this was an isolated incident but the toilet has got the better of me on numerous occasions. For example, on a sleeper train in Thailand I got stuck in a toilet, I tried pushing and pulling, and pushing again. Perhaps a bit of a bit of kicking maybe. Then I remember that it was a sliding door.
In Belize, Iâ€™d been warned that the toilet door was a bit â€œfunnyâ€. By funny they meant it didnâ€™t work and you had to leave it slightly ajar. Well then the wind came and slammed the door shut. The door knob inside broke and I am trapped, in a toilet. I called for help for about 30 minutes. There were people camping twenty metres away and I yelled that I was stuck in the toilet. Of course, Iâ€™d been torturing these people for about three days with practical jokes so I donâ€™t blame them for not believing me. Leaving me in there for 30 minutes though? Bit excessive. I was finally freed from my stinky prison but I shall carry the burden of those memories for many years.
So what was the point of this post on poo? There wasnâ€™t one really but why donâ€™t you retweet it or stick a link on someoneâ€™s facebook wall for shits and giggles. No seriously, do it or Iâ€™ll lock you in a toilet.