Alcohol, anonymity, exotic locations and a lack of inhibitions; it’s going to happen. Holding hands you stumble back to your hostel, stealing glances, the occasional kiss and then it occurs to you; where do we go?
Hostel sex is one of those topics that a lot of people cringe at and yet the amount times I have been woken from my sleep just goes to show; someone is having hostel sex!
Outdoors
If you don’t mind the great outdoors this may be the one for you. Abandon the hostel altogether and head down the beach. There may also be somewhere in the hostel that could be suitable like a garden or rooftop.
Possible dangers: Sand getting in places it isn’t meant to be.
Showers
A favourite in a lot of hostels, the showers offer privacy provided you keep the sound down. Use the girls, it smells better apparently. For extra comfort check if the hostel has a disabled shower. It tends to have more room and handy ledges.
Possible dangers: Slippery when wet.
Kitchen
Most hostel kitchens close after a certain time so provided you can get in you shouldn’t be disturbed. There is the potential that you might be interrupted by someone sneaking in a for midnight snack. But seriously, people eat in there and from what I have witnessed backpackers have no qualms about eating and preparing food on the kitchen surfaces. Is this really the right thing to do?
Possible dangers: That isn’t mayonnaise.
Laundry Room
Normal people don’t tend to do their laundry at 2am making it an ideal hideout. For added thrills try turning on the washing machine.
Possible dangers: Security cameras. Some hostels have been known to have weekly viewings of the shameless acts of debauchery.
Storage Cupboard
Not exactly built for comfort but it serves its purpose. Unless you are short might be advisable to give this one a miss. They don’t tend to smell nice either. Better make it quick.
Possible dangers: Broomsticks, linen, bleach and other such objects falling from the shelves.
TV Room
This really does depend on the hostel. Some TV rooms are used more than others and some more open. I would hope that you would be wise enough to use your own judgement. More practical than some of your other options; crank up the volume to drown out any sounds and use the sofas for comfort.
Possible dangers: Insomniacs.
Dorm Room
This should really be a last resort and should only be used if the timing is right. Here’s a clue: if there are people in the room, it’s the wrong time! People are not above turning on the lights and shaming you or throwing things in your general direction. Return from a night out early and you should find the room empty.
Possible dangers: The girl who left her camera and has come back to get it.
It has come to my attention that some people are using this as a checklist…
Glad I coud help.
Haha, I bet a lot of people are going to read this post. I would prefer to be woken up by this type of stuff than the usual weird possible serial killer old men who occasionally graze hostels. Instead, I’m woken up by their snoring, groaning, (name a body function) noise in the middle of the night, or by them creepily standing at the foot of my bed staring at me or my girlfriend and breathing heavily.
An awesome bit of light hearted reading. Cheers mate!
Light hearted… hostel sex is a serious matter :p
Fantastic! Brings back some memories of when I was working at a hostel and a bunch of us waited outside a bathroom with a camera where 2 would be lovers were going at it. Too funny…