25 Aug A Backpacker’s Guide to Hostel Sex
Alcohol, anonymity, exotic locations and a lack of inhibitions; it’s going to happen. Holding hands you stumble back to your hostel, stealing glances, the occasional kiss and then it occurs to you; where do we go?
Hostel sex is one of those topics that a lot of people cringe at and yet the amount times I have been woken from my sleep just goes to show; someone is having hostel sex!
A balcony can be also used to great effect. Slip on to the balcony, closing the curtains behind you. Your room mates will never know, unless you howl to the moon like a wolf. I’ve seen and heard things man…
Possible dangers: The world is your audience.
Some hostels have a roof. Some have a garden. You’re still ‘in’ the hostel but you get that great natural feeling with the breeze on your… *ahem*. Feeling more adventurous? Abandon the hostel altogether and head down the beach.
Possible dangers: Sand getting in places it isn’t meant to be.
A favourite in a lot of hostels, the showers offer privacy provided you keep the sound down. Use the girls, it smells better, apparently. For extra comfort check if the hostel has a disabled shower. It tends to have more room and handy ledges and handles.
Possible dangers: Slippery when wet.
Most hostel kitchens close after a certain time so provided you can get in you shouldn’t be disturbed. There is the potential that you might be interrupted by someone sneaking in a for midnight snack. But seriously, people eat in there and from what I have witnessed backpackers have no qualms about eating and preparing food on the kitchen surfaces. Is this really the right thing to do?
Possible dangers: That isn’t mayonnaise.
This really does depend on the hostel. Some TV rooms are used more than others and some are more open. I would hope that you would be wise enough to use your own judgement. More practical than some of your other options; crank up the volume to drown out any sounds and use the sofas for comfort.
Possible dangers: Insomniacs.
Normal people don’t tend to do their laundry at 2am making it an ideal hideout. For added thrills try turning on the washing machine.
Possible dangers: Security cameras. Some hostels have been known to have weekly viewings of the shameless acts of debauchery.
Not exactly built for comfort but it serves its purpose. Unless you are short might be advisable to give this one a miss. They don’t tend to smell nice either. Better make it quick.
Possible dangers: Broomsticks, linen, bleach and other such objects falling from the shelves.
This should really be a last resort and should only be used if the timing is right. Here’s a clue: if there are people in the room, it’s the wrong time! People are not above turning on the lights and shaming you or throwing things in your general direction. Return from a night out early and you should find the room empty.
Possible dangers: The guy who never goes out. There’s always one!