5 Travellers You’ll Love to Hate

I’s ok to be a hater. Sometimes.

As much as I’d like to think that each and every person you meet on the road is broadminded and accommodating, reality can be a little different…

The Spiritualist

Deep. Meaningful. Full of crap. On an overnight train from Bangkok I once overheard a soliloquy from a 20-something backpacker re-telling his encounter with Buddhist monks. I didn’t quite catch the “punch line” to his epic tale but as he raised his wrist to show his blessed band it drew gasps from the two 18 year old backpackers who had just started their trip. I mean sure he kind of had me too… the first time I heard it. After the third masterfully practiced account of his tale I thought to myself. A) What a douche. B) Does this really work on women?

Excuse me while I throw up.

The Perpetual Traveller

How long have you been travelling? 3 years. Wow, that’s amazing, where have you been? Australia. Anywhere else? No I just moved to Sydney and have been working ever since. Now please correct me if I am wrong but that isn’t travelling! That’s called moving to another country. I think people have an over romanticised view of long term travel and they like to give off the impression that they have been doing it for such a long time. Sure stop off somewhere and work for a while to gain some cash. I can accept that as part of the travelling process but 3 years in once place. Pu-lease that ain’t travelling, you ain’t impressing no one!

The Couple

Yes I get it you’re in love and it going to last forever. Or, we’ll be away from each other for a year and he’s never going to cheat on me. Seriously give me a break. I’ve met hundreds of people travelling so I have a pretty broad sample to base my opinion on. Yes travelling couples do make it and yes not everyone is an adulterous scumbag. However, it’s a well known fact that travelling can make or break a relationship. I’ve seen numerous long term relationships end while couples are travelling. I’ve seen countless people (men and women) ‘hook up’.

Is that your boyfriend you’re sucking face with? Oh no he’s back in England working. This is Dave and he fell in on for me one night. Travelling really has destroyed my faith in long term relationships and people being able to commit.

The Competitor

You tell a story. They always have one better. Yes I am sure that a midget rode a penguin at sunset to bring you your lost iPhone whilst you survived at the North Pole. Normally I just bite my tongue but on the odd occasion I just have to put these idiots in their place. Penguins live in Antarctica, not the Arctic, numb nuts.

The Pauper

You’ve had to go through hardships and make sacrifices to go on your Gap Year. The recession did hit hard. I’m sorry daddy had to sell your pony so you could go travelling. Everyone knows the type of traveller I am talking about and has forever been immortalised in the Gap Yah clip. These people must just come from another world. One girl, who lived between England and South Africa, told us about her sports car and her million pound flat. Oh no that wasn’t the best part. She then went on to tell us, and I quote “daddy built an electric fence to keep the blacks out”. Un-bloody-believable!

Shut it woman. Where’s my unicorn at?

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